By Christine Chacha
While catching up with a friend the other day, I asked him when he was planning to marry. His answer shocked me.
“You do not wish me a good life, do you? Marriage is nothing but trouble,” he said. He went on to rant about the woes that it has caused many who were once happy.
“Marriage is slowly becoming obsolete,” he said. He does not believe in marriage and is convinced that time will come when only contractual arrangements will rule.
While I am an ardent believer in the sanctity of marriage, it breaks my heart to see that many young people don’t have faith in this institution. I cannot ignore their fears since we all know that it is not working; if the high rate of divorce is not evidence enough, then the high number of senior bachelors and spinsters is!
Although I know a good number of happily married couples, the number of those breaking up is higher.
Not long ago, every girl’s dream was a grand wedding, but these dreams have since been shoved down to the gutter.
What is it about marriage that makes it such a deal breaker?
Some of the biggest turn offs in marriage are the horror stories about evil in-laws. It’s a fact that we do not like all our relatives, getting married adds a new stock of relatives.
Unfortunately, your significant other and in-laws are part of the package; you cannot have one without the other. It gets worse because you have to stick with them for life. Therefore, you have to learn to live with them.
Another pal drove me into delirious laughter when she said what scared her most was the level of infidelity in marriages.
Paranoia aside, it’s almost scary to see how vows have lost value in the modern world with everyone falling victim of the snares of infidelity. I think it is better to be cheated on in a casual relationship than in marriage. One disclosure that will forever be ingrained in my mind is one that revealed that almost 50 per cent of men raise children who are not theirs.
And as a friend puts it, he will never trust women and would rather avoid their lies by staying clear of marriage, but as we all know, it takes two to tango. So infidelity is a disease of both sexes.
I do not have the correct mathematics, but I am told marriage is an expensive affair. ‘I would be very far if I had not gotten married’ is a phrase that you must have heard many times.
The cost of living rises daily; meeting your own basic needs is a struggle, now add a spouse, children and some in-laws and you realise then what you get is a vicious circle of problems.
Liberalism has not helped at all. Once upon a time, divorce was taboo and remarriage was unacceptable, but today, marriage is the ‘new dating’. People expect to have at least two marriages in their lifetime. Marriage is so volatile that boredom is an acceptable reason for divorce.
Imagine you toil and struggle for it both emotionally and financially only for someone to walk out on the basis of boredom. Now you know why every discourse on marriage is punctuated with prophecies of doom.
By Christine Chacha